Thank you for writing this. I am freshly arrived to the motherhood role (15 weeks to be precise) and I think you just identified my problem. I’ll take your cue and instead of reading yet another paper on infant development, go cuddle my sleeping little one.
Aw I love to hear that! The pain I would save myself if I realized this 2.5 years ago when I had my first…
Baby times are simple (despite our minds and social media nonsense trying to make it otherwise), just take care of carnal needs, enjoy the chunkiness and closeness. You still have quiet moments to think and write… wait until they are talkative toddlers lol just always remember to give yourself grace 🙏🏻
Great piece!! I loved the connections made and agree with the importance of integration for the sake of well-rounded mothering.
This particular line stuck out to me: “This transition might be the hardest on women who have the strongest sense of self, the strongest superego.”
— I feel this transition might be difficult on a woman who is OVERidentified with the concept of her self rather than a woman who has a strong sense of self. Strong sense of self (which I interpret as grounded within one’s inherent worth) is entirely different than a woman’s superego, which depends on typically left-brained markers (achievements, titles, degrees, careers, knowledge) — which at the end of the day, are nothing more than tokens of modern day capitalism.
Yes that’s actually a really important distinction you make. Definitely meant what you’re saying— a strong, attached concept of a “self,” versus the whole, integrated, embodied self. Lol goes to show how much I’m still stuck in that sense of self connection to intelligence 😅 workin on it
Kyra, this is really good. Good for you for seeing all of this and putting it into words. I had almost an identical experience of early motherhood, and probably for many similar reasons to the ones you lay out here. But I didn’t have a lot of this worked out as early on into motherhood as you do.
The first 5-8 years of motherhood are nothing like the rest of your time with your kids, and really nothing like any other part of your life at all. Truly, the things you see as the weaknesses or limitations of your personality now will be strengths as your kids mature and you set them up for adulthood.
My regrets: that I tortured myself so much in the early days because life with very small children did not come easy to me, and that I only had five children. (We tried for more, but no more came) My 3rd was my easiest baby by far, the 4th was a difficult toddler but easy from age 4 on, and the 5th is just pure joy and dreams.
But honestly no year of my life was as bad as the first year home, alone, all day with my first baby. Lolol.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Lane. I was so happy to have found you here on Substack. Your writing and ways of approaching motherhood have been a guiding light for me. So it's really encouraging to hear that we started out in this journey in similar ways. I appreciate the hopeful look ahead. And yes I hear you, I definitely agree, nothing is as bad as that first year... lol
Thank you for this! Definitely a great deal of it speaks to my experience. My kids are now 9, 8, 4, and 1. This orientation has its benefits, for sure. But in my experience it does make the year from about 9 months to about 21 months difficult (I say, as I enter this phase for the 4th time haha). Why? Because while baby requires a great deal of care, your mind is still largely your own. A kid over 2, you begin to truly use that intellect. But that crawler to toddler year…where you must engage in more demanding ways but much remains intuitive…is to me in many ways the most challenging. I will also add that I didn’t do the “expertise” thing RE baby care, because I was much more “none of these things actually matter; critical thinking skills matter, and they have zero to do with what kind of weaning one does.” Final thing: Many of the things I find mind-numbing have nothing to do with my children, whom I love and cherish. They have to do with the tasks attending the running of a household with 4 kids. Cooking, endless cleaning, endless laundry. What did intellectual women do before AirPods? I don’t know, and I reflexively hate technology generally…but my oh my, how the ability to listen to demanding books and podcasts saves me when doing all these things!
Lol yes I feel you on all of these things. Thank goodness for the internet. Because of it, things like washing dishes can become an enriching and reflective moment for us. And I think you hit the nail on the head. Once my kids near the age of 2, I'm so much more able to connect with them and not feel so overwhelmed by all the mundane demands, and their little personalities come out in much fuller force too. I'm glad this was resonated with you, thanks for reading!
That last part!!! I hear people talk down on women who “need to fill the silence” of routine tasks, but man…. I’m not sure many of them know just how MANY audiobooks one can listen to while doing that endless cooking/cleaning/laundry with plenty of empty space to spare. I don’t have any help or childcare of any kind (beyond my husband, when he’s not working obviously) so sit-down-in-silence time is almost nonexistent…. Earbuds are a huge reason I can engage with the world of ideas and stories, and have my weekly newsletter.
Yes absolutely! So thankful for technology that allows us to apprehend these weighty ideas and works in ways that are so accessible for us in the domestic sphere.
You know, it’s funny. I am this way and crave information constantly but I’ve noticed it’s driving a cycle of anxiety for me and keeping me more in a left brained mode when I can sense what my body actually needs is for me to -just be- a little more. This is very hard for me. I think being alone at home with children can feel so isolating and it feels like my tether to the world and a way to engage with ideas I’m interested in. And yet, that stance does nothing for my overall stress level. It’s a conundrum really.
I hear you! The easy access to information is a blessing and a privilege to be used very carefully. It’s amazing that we get to access it so easily in our isolated mom lives so we can get the intellectual hits when we need them, but we also definitely need times when we’re not consuming so much, but instead just processing and living 🙏🏻 I do think it’s best in small doses, at least for me personally 😊
Beautiful essay -- are you familiar with Iain McGilchrist's "The Master and His Emissary"? You might like it.
I've written about similar themes on my Substack. I'm also a bit left-hemisphere dominant, and while most of my essays just abstractly discuss research, I am pulling from my own experience as well.
This is a bit controversial, but I found that magic mushrooms really helped strengthen my right hemisphere, connect me more to my body, my intuition, and at low doses -- think less than a gram -- I find it helps me enjoy motherhood more. I'm more entranced by my children's faces, I want to dance with them more, to play with them more. Mushrooms also make it unpleasant to look at books or screens so I'm less likely to get distracted by my various nerdy interests. Also makes cooking way more fun. If, understandably, you're reluctant to take small doses while looking at your kids (lots of moms do it, but you can't do stuff like drive while on it), a lot of woman report significant mental health benefits (right hemisphere benefits) from doing larger doses infrequently (when someone else is watching your kids).
Thank you Meghan! And yes, others have recommended his stuff to me too, and it's great! I'll have to check out your Substack too!
No judgment, I totally get that. I used to use cannabis, and it definitely did that for me too, but I stopped recently because I felt like it was messing with my brain chemistry too much (dopamine depletion) which ending up making things harder for me overall. Have you felt that at all with the microdosing?
I had the same experience with weed and rarely smoke it now (just a puff here and there socially). Weed also disrupts dreaming, which is really unhealthy. Psilocybin doesn't have the same effect, but it's also something no one really does on a daily basis. Maybe a couple times per week at most. It's a very different effect -- it also increases your sensitivity all around and can make you more aware of unhealthy things in your environment. I've made a lot of positive life changes because of it -- plus it completely cured my chronic gut issues and migraines.
Hello Kyra, thank you for the work and thoughts, I found it really interesting, although I cannot help but wonder if this does not apply to (and should be read by) men as well, even though the physical experience is less pronounced. Have you thought and made research on that subject ? Intuitively I would say that this problem would be even more pronounced with fathers bonding with their children as unlike the mother, the physical aspect of the relation is not imposed on them though childbearing and breastfeeding
Hi, thanks for reading! I mean yes absolutely. I think that innate physical experience is what defines much of it. The father’s role and mother’s role differ. Mothers are meant to be this foundational, safe base, upon which the child can be nurtured, understood, etc., which has this very physical, carnal, right brained requirement. Whereas with fathers, their more severe left brain focus serves the family in that it allows them to go out into the world and provide for the family and also properly socialize the child as they grow up. I do think it does absolutely serve the individual and the family unit though when both men and women are attempting to integrate both of these sides into their being.
My baby and I had (at least I thought we had) an amazing relationship until she hit 2.5.she got her big feelings, her awakening, and suddenly there just wasn’t enough of me for her. I was angry so much. I fear I may have damaged us for a time, but I feel a deep connection to her once again. We are in a better flow. Things aren’t the way I thought they’d be, but they are at least where I have a bit of autonomy at the end of the day again. If I had known what was happening then I would redo it all. I regret it so much. But today it’s making me a more compassionate mother. And my 3.25 year old deserves that, not a mother who is dwelling on past mistakes.
Yes absolutely Ashley! I have a really intense toddler too, and I've been there. I wrote a post here on mom guilt and shame, because it's truly just so toxic and energy-draining. Energy-- the most precious resource we need as moms! I'm in the process of writing another post on dealing with difficult, intense little ones because it's been a massive challenge for me too. We have to be so intentional about carving out space for ourselves to process and chill, and just trying to keep on showing up and trying to be better every day (even though some days we are worse lol). We have our difficult feelings too, and it's a lot to balance all of it! Thank you for reading!
Thank you for writing this, this is beautifully expressed. I really resonate with the shock of the physicality of those early postpartum days - after I had my daughter I was amazed by the 'uncontrollable' nature of my physiology. Childbirth, breastfeeding, being woken at night by a newborn (and still now by an almost-one year old..)... it is all so physical and no matter how much you research and try to cognitively engage, you cannot control it. An extremely difficult yet beautiful reminder of the fact that we are embodied mammals, and not just brains floating around!
What a great post! I found it comparatively easy to just roll along with the changes of motherhood — they were deep, but I was fascinated by them and in some ways it satisfied my intellectual side to observe them as they happened. You’re absolutely right that they can change your outlook on life in the direction of accepting less control, though, and of being as much body as mind. I really appreciate your articulation of this.
Thank you! Certainly motherhood and watching your little ones develop and become humans can be so deeply satisfying to the intellectual. It's definitely one of the most fascinating things I've had the privilege of witnessing.
Gosh I know exactly what you mean! I’ve been there. The truth is, a lot of the time we aren’t writing because of our kids — because we are sacrificing for them, nurturing them, loving them along their path to becoming adults in the world (arguably the hardest and most important job ever).
And it’s easy to forget that along the way. And then there are times I do write for them in a sense. Because if I don’t I know I’ll be a worse mom. And because they need to see us doing something else other than being moms (because they so easily take that for granted lol). Literally as I wrote this post, my daughter came and sat next to me with her fake play laptop and said she’s writing a blog post. Lol
That makes me so happy that this resonates with you🙏🏻
I laughed so hard at “your daughter and her fake laptop.”
That is so true about them seeing us do something outside being mom. My almost 8 year old daughter is writing her first manuscript “A Shy Girl’s Guide To Confidence.”
She wants to explore being shy through storytelling like mummy does. I write a lot and they ask questions so I explain that I write to explore my world. She has caught on to that.
I’m replying this in the bathroom just so I have coherent thought to reply 🤣
Aw that is amazing, I love that! You challenging yourself to write despite the difficulty has shown your daughter how to blossom her own creativity. How special is that.
Lol yes a quiet minute is a quiet minute. We gotta take advantage, god knows!
Wow this really hit home - thank you for writing it!! I definitely relate and this sparked some helpful introspection for me. I wish I had read it 4 years ago when my kids were just born!
Thank you 🙏🏻 I’m so glad to hear that! Yeah I wish I internalized this years ago as well lol but it’s okay we have so many days of motherhood ahead of us to do things differently, and to show our kids the process of learning and growing and changing— the essence of living 😊
Great reflections, Kyra. I love the notion that when embodied and preoccupied with the demands of motherhood, only our best and most vital thoughts will survive. The superfluous stuff gets filtered away.
On the topic of right brain/left brain hemispheric difference, you should look into Ian McGilchrist, if you haven't already. He unpacks the difference in a very nuanced way that draws on all manner of fields including science/psychiatry, philosophy, art, history etc.
It is quite a work! I’ve tried reading him before but my brain power is so limited right now I couldn’t do it. But since you are all recommending him I attempted a podcast with him lol and he’s great. He uses the left brained intellectual language to communicate these deeper right brained ideas (kind of like a lot of us are doing here). It makes sense as psychiatrist how he would be pushed to this place where he has to do that, much like we were in motherhood. Excited to dig into his works deeper once I have the horsepower!
The connection pops up everywhere now for me! It's one of those frameworks that is broadly resonant and applicable. His new work The Matter With Things is also worth a read (I've only read parts as it's quite a tomb!)
I can totally relate to this, even though I am a man, a father. Its been a wild ride trying to soften up and think like a baby girl. But it's made me see the limits of the intellect, which I needed to see. Great article. Thanks for sharing!
Yeah it can absolutely apply to anyone and everyone! The fact that you're being challenged in this way as a father means you're being really hands on so that's awesome. Integrating these different aspects of being only makes us better men and women 🙏🏻 thank goodness for parenthood waking us up!
Wow. This is so relatable on so many levels. There were so many things I could restack, but had to stop myself because while on the one hand, I *think* this has been my struggle in motherhood, I also think there has been some healing through motherhood - being able to cultivate the more feminine and right-brain side of myself, yet somehow it feels not entirely true for me because I sense the intuition piece has always been there for me. I may have to print this one off to ponder and reflect on some more. I will say my children do have a way of keeping me literally grounded in reality, as there are times when I can easily just get lost in my head, in a sense.
I'm so glad you could relate Melisa! And that it trigged some reflection in you (the highest honor as a writer). I definitely think that intuitive, feminine side is there in us from the beginning, but over time, in this masculine culture of ours, it gets buried under all the intellectualization and overthinking. Motherhood has a way of unapologetically (and sometimes violently) pulling us out from those depths again, and making the intuitive side more present and guiding in our lives again. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment 🙏🏻
Thank you for writing this. I am freshly arrived to the motherhood role (15 weeks to be precise) and I think you just identified my problem. I’ll take your cue and instead of reading yet another paper on infant development, go cuddle my sleeping little one.
Aw I love to hear that! The pain I would save myself if I realized this 2.5 years ago when I had my first…
Baby times are simple (despite our minds and social media nonsense trying to make it otherwise), just take care of carnal needs, enjoy the chunkiness and closeness. You still have quiet moments to think and write… wait until they are talkative toddlers lol just always remember to give yourself grace 🙏🏻
Great piece!! I loved the connections made and agree with the importance of integration for the sake of well-rounded mothering.
This particular line stuck out to me: “This transition might be the hardest on women who have the strongest sense of self, the strongest superego.”
— I feel this transition might be difficult on a woman who is OVERidentified with the concept of her self rather than a woman who has a strong sense of self. Strong sense of self (which I interpret as grounded within one’s inherent worth) is entirely different than a woman’s superego, which depends on typically left-brained markers (achievements, titles, degrees, careers, knowledge) — which at the end of the day, are nothing more than tokens of modern day capitalism.
Thank you Vashti 🙏🏻
Yes that’s actually a really important distinction you make. Definitely meant what you’re saying— a strong, attached concept of a “self,” versus the whole, integrated, embodied self. Lol goes to show how much I’m still stuck in that sense of self connection to intelligence 😅 workin on it
Rooting for you in your motherhood journey 😊 Us mothers are doing important work!
Kyra, this is really good. Good for you for seeing all of this and putting it into words. I had almost an identical experience of early motherhood, and probably for many similar reasons to the ones you lay out here. But I didn’t have a lot of this worked out as early on into motherhood as you do.
The first 5-8 years of motherhood are nothing like the rest of your time with your kids, and really nothing like any other part of your life at all. Truly, the things you see as the weaknesses or limitations of your personality now will be strengths as your kids mature and you set them up for adulthood.
My regrets: that I tortured myself so much in the early days because life with very small children did not come easy to me, and that I only had five children. (We tried for more, but no more came) My 3rd was my easiest baby by far, the 4th was a difficult toddler but easy from age 4 on, and the 5th is just pure joy and dreams.
But honestly no year of my life was as bad as the first year home, alone, all day with my first baby. Lolol.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Lane. I was so happy to have found you here on Substack. Your writing and ways of approaching motherhood have been a guiding light for me. So it's really encouraging to hear that we started out in this journey in similar ways. I appreciate the hopeful look ahead. And yes I hear you, I definitely agree, nothing is as bad as that first year... lol
Thank you for this! Definitely a great deal of it speaks to my experience. My kids are now 9, 8, 4, and 1. This orientation has its benefits, for sure. But in my experience it does make the year from about 9 months to about 21 months difficult (I say, as I enter this phase for the 4th time haha). Why? Because while baby requires a great deal of care, your mind is still largely your own. A kid over 2, you begin to truly use that intellect. But that crawler to toddler year…where you must engage in more demanding ways but much remains intuitive…is to me in many ways the most challenging. I will also add that I didn’t do the “expertise” thing RE baby care, because I was much more “none of these things actually matter; critical thinking skills matter, and they have zero to do with what kind of weaning one does.” Final thing: Many of the things I find mind-numbing have nothing to do with my children, whom I love and cherish. They have to do with the tasks attending the running of a household with 4 kids. Cooking, endless cleaning, endless laundry. What did intellectual women do before AirPods? I don’t know, and I reflexively hate technology generally…but my oh my, how the ability to listen to demanding books and podcasts saves me when doing all these things!
Lol yes I feel you on all of these things. Thank goodness for the internet. Because of it, things like washing dishes can become an enriching and reflective moment for us. And I think you hit the nail on the head. Once my kids near the age of 2, I'm so much more able to connect with them and not feel so overwhelmed by all the mundane demands, and their little personalities come out in much fuller force too. I'm glad this was resonated with you, thanks for reading!
That last part!!! I hear people talk down on women who “need to fill the silence” of routine tasks, but man…. I’m not sure many of them know just how MANY audiobooks one can listen to while doing that endless cooking/cleaning/laundry with plenty of empty space to spare. I don’t have any help or childcare of any kind (beyond my husband, when he’s not working obviously) so sit-down-in-silence time is almost nonexistent…. Earbuds are a huge reason I can engage with the world of ideas and stories, and have my weekly newsletter.
Yes absolutely! So thankful for technology that allows us to apprehend these weighty ideas and works in ways that are so accessible for us in the domestic sphere.
You know, it’s funny. I am this way and crave information constantly but I’ve noticed it’s driving a cycle of anxiety for me and keeping me more in a left brained mode when I can sense what my body actually needs is for me to -just be- a little more. This is very hard for me. I think being alone at home with children can feel so isolating and it feels like my tether to the world and a way to engage with ideas I’m interested in. And yet, that stance does nothing for my overall stress level. It’s a conundrum really.
I hear you! The easy access to information is a blessing and a privilege to be used very carefully. It’s amazing that we get to access it so easily in our isolated mom lives so we can get the intellectual hits when we need them, but we also definitely need times when we’re not consuming so much, but instead just processing and living 🙏🏻 I do think it’s best in small doses, at least for me personally 😊
Beautiful essay -- are you familiar with Iain McGilchrist's "The Master and His Emissary"? You might like it.
I've written about similar themes on my Substack. I'm also a bit left-hemisphere dominant, and while most of my essays just abstractly discuss research, I am pulling from my own experience as well.
This is a bit controversial, but I found that magic mushrooms really helped strengthen my right hemisphere, connect me more to my body, my intuition, and at low doses -- think less than a gram -- I find it helps me enjoy motherhood more. I'm more entranced by my children's faces, I want to dance with them more, to play with them more. Mushrooms also make it unpleasant to look at books or screens so I'm less likely to get distracted by my various nerdy interests. Also makes cooking way more fun. If, understandably, you're reluctant to take small doses while looking at your kids (lots of moms do it, but you can't do stuff like drive while on it), a lot of woman report significant mental health benefits (right hemisphere benefits) from doing larger doses infrequently (when someone else is watching your kids).
Thank you Meghan! And yes, others have recommended his stuff to me too, and it's great! I'll have to check out your Substack too!
No judgment, I totally get that. I used to use cannabis, and it definitely did that for me too, but I stopped recently because I felt like it was messing with my brain chemistry too much (dopamine depletion) which ending up making things harder for me overall. Have you felt that at all with the microdosing?
I had the same experience with weed and rarely smoke it now (just a puff here and there socially). Weed also disrupts dreaming, which is really unhealthy. Psilocybin doesn't have the same effect, but it's also something no one really does on a daily basis. Maybe a couple times per week at most. It's a very different effect -- it also increases your sensitivity all around and can make you more aware of unhealthy things in your environment. I've made a lot of positive life changes because of it -- plus it completely cured my chronic gut issues and migraines.
Hello Kyra, thank you for the work and thoughts, I found it really interesting, although I cannot help but wonder if this does not apply to (and should be read by) men as well, even though the physical experience is less pronounced. Have you thought and made research on that subject ? Intuitively I would say that this problem would be even more pronounced with fathers bonding with their children as unlike the mother, the physical aspect of the relation is not imposed on them though childbearing and breastfeeding
Hi, thanks for reading! I mean yes absolutely. I think that innate physical experience is what defines much of it. The father’s role and mother’s role differ. Mothers are meant to be this foundational, safe base, upon which the child can be nurtured, understood, etc., which has this very physical, carnal, right brained requirement. Whereas with fathers, their more severe left brain focus serves the family in that it allows them to go out into the world and provide for the family and also properly socialize the child as they grow up. I do think it does absolutely serve the individual and the family unit though when both men and women are attempting to integrate both of these sides into their being.
(and therefore they are much more prone to intellectualizing the relationship and not being able to get intuitive)
My baby and I had (at least I thought we had) an amazing relationship until she hit 2.5.she got her big feelings, her awakening, and suddenly there just wasn’t enough of me for her. I was angry so much. I fear I may have damaged us for a time, but I feel a deep connection to her once again. We are in a better flow. Things aren’t the way I thought they’d be, but they are at least where I have a bit of autonomy at the end of the day again. If I had known what was happening then I would redo it all. I regret it so much. But today it’s making me a more compassionate mother. And my 3.25 year old deserves that, not a mother who is dwelling on past mistakes.
Yes absolutely Ashley! I have a really intense toddler too, and I've been there. I wrote a post here on mom guilt and shame, because it's truly just so toxic and energy-draining. Energy-- the most precious resource we need as moms! I'm in the process of writing another post on dealing with difficult, intense little ones because it's been a massive challenge for me too. We have to be so intentional about carving out space for ourselves to process and chill, and just trying to keep on showing up and trying to be better every day (even though some days we are worse lol). We have our difficult feelings too, and it's a lot to balance all of it! Thank you for reading!
Thank you for writing this, this is beautifully expressed. I really resonate with the shock of the physicality of those early postpartum days - after I had my daughter I was amazed by the 'uncontrollable' nature of my physiology. Childbirth, breastfeeding, being woken at night by a newborn (and still now by an almost-one year old..)... it is all so physical and no matter how much you research and try to cognitively engage, you cannot control it. An extremely difficult yet beautiful reminder of the fact that we are embodied mammals, and not just brains floating around!
Thank you 🙏🏻 and yes! Weirdly easy to forget, but thank goodness for the grand challenge of motherhood to bring us back down to earth. Lol
Love this! I’m still new to motherhood but I relate so much to what you describe here. Thanks for writing.
Thank you, that makes me happy to hear! Welcome to the club ;)
What a great post! I found it comparatively easy to just roll along with the changes of motherhood — they were deep, but I was fascinated by them and in some ways it satisfied my intellectual side to observe them as they happened. You’re absolutely right that they can change your outlook on life in the direction of accepting less control, though, and of being as much body as mind. I really appreciate your articulation of this.
Thank you! Certainly motherhood and watching your little ones develop and become humans can be so deeply satisfying to the intellectual. It's definitely one of the most fascinating things I've had the privilege of witnessing.
I am so glad I found this Newsletter
I have been a mom for almost 10 years now and struggled with something I could not describe
This post, especially the part of being a daddy’s girl and rejecting femininity(I’m paraphrasing) resonates so very deeply
Instant sub
Thank you for writing this
I have 3 kiddos and have recently come out of the phase where I felt their existence was making writing impossible.
Now I’m integrating things I am learning along the way and this post feels like the path I needed to find
Thanks again
Gosh I know exactly what you mean! I’ve been there. The truth is, a lot of the time we aren’t writing because of our kids — because we are sacrificing for them, nurturing them, loving them along their path to becoming adults in the world (arguably the hardest and most important job ever).
And it’s easy to forget that along the way. And then there are times I do write for them in a sense. Because if I don’t I know I’ll be a worse mom. And because they need to see us doing something else other than being moms (because they so easily take that for granted lol). Literally as I wrote this post, my daughter came and sat next to me with her fake play laptop and said she’s writing a blog post. Lol
That makes me so happy that this resonates with you🙏🏻
Yes and yes! 🙌😁
I laughed so hard at “your daughter and her fake laptop.”
That is so true about them seeing us do something outside being mom. My almost 8 year old daughter is writing her first manuscript “A Shy Girl’s Guide To Confidence.”
She wants to explore being shy through storytelling like mummy does. I write a lot and they ask questions so I explain that I write to explore my world. She has caught on to that.
I’m replying this in the bathroom just so I have coherent thought to reply 🤣
Aw that is amazing, I love that! You challenging yourself to write despite the difficulty has shown your daughter how to blossom her own creativity. How special is that.
Lol yes a quiet minute is a quiet minute. We gotta take advantage, god knows!
Wow this really hit home - thank you for writing it!! I definitely relate and this sparked some helpful introspection for me. I wish I had read it 4 years ago when my kids were just born!
Thank you 🙏🏻 I’m so glad to hear that! Yeah I wish I internalized this years ago as well lol but it’s okay we have so many days of motherhood ahead of us to do things differently, and to show our kids the process of learning and growing and changing— the essence of living 😊
Maybe what they teach in schools and raising healthy kids doesn’t go together.
Great reflections, Kyra. I love the notion that when embodied and preoccupied with the demands of motherhood, only our best and most vital thoughts will survive. The superfluous stuff gets filtered away.
On the topic of right brain/left brain hemispheric difference, you should look into Ian McGilchrist, if you haven't already. He unpacks the difference in a very nuanced way that draws on all manner of fields including science/psychiatry, philosophy, art, history etc.
It is quite a work! I’ve tried reading him before but my brain power is so limited right now I couldn’t do it. But since you are all recommending him I attempted a podcast with him lol and he’s great. He uses the left brained intellectual language to communicate these deeper right brained ideas (kind of like a lot of us are doing here). It makes sense as psychiatrist how he would be pushed to this place where he has to do that, much like we were in motherhood. Excited to dig into his works deeper once I have the horsepower!
Thank you! Yes, motherhood has forced in me a great capability of differentiating what’s essential and not. Thank goodness for that.
That seems like a great next rabbit hole for me to go down, thanks for the rec!
I’m reading (listening to) The Master and His emissary right now! Thought of the connection immediately when stumbling across this essay. Haha
The connection pops up everywhere now for me! It's one of those frameworks that is broadly resonant and applicable. His new work The Matter With Things is also worth a read (I've only read parts as it's quite a tomb!)
I can totally relate to this, even though I am a man, a father. Its been a wild ride trying to soften up and think like a baby girl. But it's made me see the limits of the intellect, which I needed to see. Great article. Thanks for sharing!
Yeah it can absolutely apply to anyone and everyone! The fact that you're being challenged in this way as a father means you're being really hands on so that's awesome. Integrating these different aspects of being only makes us better men and women 🙏🏻 thank goodness for parenthood waking us up!
Wow. This is so relatable on so many levels. There were so many things I could restack, but had to stop myself because while on the one hand, I *think* this has been my struggle in motherhood, I also think there has been some healing through motherhood - being able to cultivate the more feminine and right-brain side of myself, yet somehow it feels not entirely true for me because I sense the intuition piece has always been there for me. I may have to print this one off to ponder and reflect on some more. I will say my children do have a way of keeping me literally grounded in reality, as there are times when I can easily just get lost in my head, in a sense.
I'm so glad you could relate Melisa! And that it trigged some reflection in you (the highest honor as a writer). I definitely think that intuitive, feminine side is there in us from the beginning, but over time, in this masculine culture of ours, it gets buried under all the intellectualization and overthinking. Motherhood has a way of unapologetically (and sometimes violently) pulling us out from those depths again, and making the intuitive side more present and guiding in our lives again. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment 🙏🏻